I love conversations with sleeping people

It's Lavender.

What is?

What she's holding, it's Lavender.

Oh?

Yes.

Who is she?

...

...

I don't know.

Oh, I see.

...

I love you.

And I you.

I don't look good without my clothes on

I don't believe that

Well maybe someday you'll see

Were you mauled by a bear or something?

Shoot no, just chubby

Well I'm sure if we were doing that, I wouldn't be thinking about your physical imperfections

Doing what?

You know.

I wasn't talking about that.

Oh well you said if you had no clothes on...I just assumed...I mean why else would you not have clothes on?

Swimming...Tanning...

Okay well when we go tanning together, I'll make sure to avert my eyes so I don't have to look at your hideous form.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

It's Not Us, It's Them...Them And Their Stupid Boy Penises

I love you, I do. But sometimes you act...well, stupid. Come to think of it, you do something stupid nearly every day. You are, in fact, a man. After three months, I should have learned to expect it, right? But that's just the thing, I really don't expect it. It catches me off guard every time.

It's kinda like my period. It happens every month, same time, like clockwork. But every time I get it, it's like what the hell? you again? Then I remember, this happens every month, and I can go about my business.

I'm On Top of The World (keywords being: on top)

When it comes to the success of a blog, my standards are perhaps a little different than most. It's my opinion that a blog's success is not measured by the number of comments left, or the amount of traffic it gets, but by the caliber of the readers it attracts. Imagine my elation when I found out that my lovely blog is number 9 on the google results list when you type in "nerdy whores." Yes, right there after "18 year old slut with webcam." I. Am. So. Proud. Actually, the words "nerdy" and "whore" have probably been the biggest thing attracting people to my blog. Hmm...let's try a little experiment, shall we?

Moist Nugget
Hot Pocket
Candy Rub
Glitter Pouch

Now all I have to do is sit back and wait. Those dirty minded readers will come pouring in.

Muah (that's a kissy sound)

Hey, remember what I said about my next kiss being the best ever?


All I'm gonna say is...I told you so :P

Preemptive Rejection?

When you put your profile on a dating site, there are certain things that are to be expected.

However, I was surprised to wake this morning and find this in my inbox, from a complete stranger...

"No...not even CLOSE!!!

I ain't going to have my kids raised to be Jesus freaks and Jesus nerds...sorry!

I hope you didn't plan on messaging me.."

(For the record, I wasn't planning on it.)

Ask and it shall be given...right?

Dear God,
I'm not trying to be pushy. It's just that it's been a while since I've had a boyfriend, and you know my last one was not so great. So, I was wondering if you thought I could possibly get one sometime soon-ish. I'm not picky, you know. He doesn't have to be my soulmate or anything. I've read the Christian dating books, I understand that you're busy working on the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. And hey, I know it's not easy trying to make a slightly nerdier version of Bret Michaels. And then trying to find one with curly brown hair (to give my children the best chance of having curly hair) No, I get it, these special requests take some time. I can wait. But if you could just send me one of your backups or something, just to tide me over, that would be great. Thanks,